Personal Thoughts

Hopefully this isn't too personal, just something I have had on my mind and I read an article from a woman who expressed exactly what I feel.   

I got to experience this once. Now I have a beautiful, dazzling little girl. And I feel lucky. And sort of greedy. Because I want a second. And a part of me feels like I should be satisfied with my one healthy child. But my family just feels incomplete.

I keep a lot of this longing buried inside. Because I have felt guilty. There are many women who may never have one. And this time around, biology is irritatingly stubborn.

Dear Body, What’s with the sudden attitude? I fear this is age discrimination. Signed, Me.

For months and months we’ve tried to conceive. Every month is like a roller coaster of emotions, with enormous hope giving out to despair (and I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters). And then hope creeps back in as another month gets underway.

One miscarriage crushed me. There was so much possibility in those two perfect lines on the pregnancy stick and then so suddenly and so cruelly, it was all taken away. 

It’s been a long, stressful, disappointing road. We haven’t given up hope. 

So all those pregnant women, who seem to be following me around constantly, could you send some of those fertility vibes my way? I promise I won’t ask to rub your belly.